I went to the beach today with my oldest daughter and the grief that I had been trying to manage seared through me. I’ve never lost anyone in my family before, and I was grieving for my brother and all the, “I wishes”, that go along with that.
God is always so kind to put lessons on my heart to make this life even sweeter and one of them is to have more grace for each others frailties and flaws. That He loves us despite them. We all have them. Some may seem more innocuous, but they are all opportunities to be refined– made to look more like Him.
There was a song that I wrote that I had put on my heart to do based on a desire my brother had. I would write the song and my brother was going to accompany it with guitar being a musician and in bands since 15, and my daughter would sing it. I wrote the song over many months as a new line or verse would be given to me. When it was done, I showed it to my brother and nudged him to start practicing and playing, so what we had talked about could happen. I kept telling him, “Tom, you’ve got a song still to be played. There’s a song there left for you to do.” After grieving so many things today, more than Tom’s cancer, but his various challenges that accompanied his cancer that we had to manage and work through, the Lord graciously revealed something to me as we were driving home that I did not realize or understand until that moment.
The song that I thought I wrote as being my part waiting for Tom to finish practicing his own guitar part was actually Tom’s song all along. The whole time I was writing his song, for him, about him. The story that was lay upon me from the bible is the one of Moses and Aaron. Moses felt that his words and elocution would not be effective on his own, so the Lord graciously gave him his brother Aaron to go with him and to speak on his behalf.
This song is Tom’s song written through me. I am his Aaron. But this is his song. Being a rock and roller from the 70s, it was Tom’s desire to rewrite songs with lyrics that would glorify God. So here is one of his favorites:
There’s a Savior I know who fills up my soul
and He’s bought me a stairway to Heaven.
He was born as a babe grew up and gave away,
His life to all who receive Him.
When I’m down on my knees He resuscitates me
breathing life into my weakened body.
I can stand now, so I go, knowing that
He is always there with me.
When I’m besieged by my sin, I give it to Him,
restoring my time with Him.
The enemy takes a step trying to get the rest,
but His Spirit within me is triumphant.
And He’s bought me a stairway to Heaven
The uncertainty is a test that makes me go deeper
in this quest knowing He is always there with me.
His love is supreme and calls me to Him
filling the emptiness within me.
As it comes to the end, I have peace within, knowing
the end is just the beginning.
And as I walk on streets of gold,
His blazing eyes pierce my soul.
What I could not conceive is conceived,
and tears once there are no more.
I see the Lamb on His throne
and loved ones who have gone.
A great book lies open to be read
with names written in red. My name is there,
so here I’ll stay,
and forever I am Home.
And He’s bought me a stairway to Heaven……………………………………………………